Isaiah 49:15: “Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for the child she has borne?”

Oh mama how I wish so dearly I could take
Back these years that weigh upon me so
Heavily like the winter's first blanket of snow..
This, however, is not my first winter.

I want so badly to lean on your shoulder like
I did when I was twelve and still naïve to the 
Things about you that I thought so picture 
Perfect—but as my child’s eyes grow.. 
I see you and the world as they are.

Oh mama, how you are my inspiration 
As well my burnout; I am your baby 
And you're soon to be supernova star.
When I implode, will you remember the first 
Days you cradled your shining sun in loving 
And inevitably… requited arms?

I for some reason continue to pray to a god you
Will refuse to believe in… I pray with my whole body
Cause I need to have something I can
Put my full devotion and faith in;
But I weep as I could never believe in 
What you don’t.

Oh mama, when I was stolen from in utero,
What kind of life did I steal from you? 
Don’t speak—I already know the answer;
I stole a life you think of on the daily.
Please, mama, forgive me for not being
Nearly enough.